WHAT DO NARCISSISTS DO WHEN YOU ARE NOT AROUND

By: Khalif Barkhadle
Digital Journalist

Published On:12th September 2024

These Are Ten Things Narcissists Do When You Are Not Around:

Narcissists can be very difficult to deal with, and their behaviour often changes when you're not around. When you interact with a narcissist, they might seem charming, confident, and even caring at times. However, when they think no one is watching, their actions can reveal a much darker side.

Narcissists are people who have an exaggerated sense of their own importance and a deep need for attention and admiration. They often lack empathy, which means they don't really care about the feelings and needs of others. This makes their actions particularly damaging when they're done in secret. In this article, we’ll explore ten common behaviors of narcissists when they are out of your sight.

Narcissists can be very difficult to be around. Unfortunately, some common narcissistic traits, like a sense of being superior or entitled and a lack of empathy, have become more common in recent years.

Even worse, these traits often go unnoticed or are ignored, especially by people who don’t know much about narcissism or have their own vulnerabilities, like low self-esteem.

When you’re around them, narcissists can be very charming. They’ll do whatever it takes to keep you interested in them and convinced that they are the best thing that’s ever happened to you. But once you leave, that’s when the real narcissist appears – cold, mean, and calculating.

Having a relationship with narcissists is a hell of a challenge, especially when their behaviors become evident behind closed doors.
Here are 10 specific things narcissists usually do when they believe they are not being observed:

#1: Scanning through your personal belongings:

Have you ever wondered how narcissists manage to invade your privacy so effortlessly? They often snoop around in your personal belongings like diaries, emails, or documents, looking for information they can use against you or simply out of sheer curiosity. This invasion of privacy isn’t just about nosiness; it’s a tactic they use to maintain control over you. When narcissists rummage through your personal items, they’re seeking ammunition to manipulate or discredit you in future conflicts. This behaviour can leave you feeling violated and mistrustful. Moreover, they might twist what they find to fit their narrative, using it to paint you in a negative light to others.

It’s not uncommon for narcissists to justify this invasion as looking out for your best interest, but in reality, it serves their own agenda of control and power. This violation of boundaries can extend to spying on your social media accounts or even secretly monitoring your conversations. Such actions erode your sense of privacy and autonomy. Narcissists thrive on knowing more about you than you’re comfortable with, using this knowledge to exploit vulnerabilities. Their relentless need for control drives them to invade your personal space, often without remorse.

#2: Talking negatively behind your back:

When you’re not around, narcissists frequently resort to gossip and rumormongering to tarnish your reputation and manipulate others’ opinions of you. This behaviour stems from their deep-seated need for control and superiority. By spreading falsehoods or half-truths about you, they aim to diminish your standing and undermine your credibility in the eyes of friends, family, or colleagues. This tactic is a form of psychological manipulation where they portray themselves as victims or heroes while painting you as unreliable or untrustworthy.
Narcissists are skilled at crafting narratives that serve their agenda, often playing on others’ emotions or insecurities to bolster their own image. Their gossip can range from subtle insinuations to outright lies, depending on what suits their immediate goals. This calculated behaviour not only damages your reputation but also isolates you socially, as others may begin to distance themselves based on the false information they’ve been fed. It’s important to be aware of this tactic and maintain open communication with trusted individuals to counteract any misinformation being spread.

#3: They will plot for personal gain:

Narcissists are often engaged in plotting and scheming to advance their personal interests. They strategize and manipulate situations or people to achieve their desired outcomes, all while keeping their intentions hidden from you. This behaviour is driven by their relentless pursuit of personal gain and control. Narcissists excel at creating elaborate plans that serve their own needs, often at the expense of others’ well-being or without their consent.
Whether it’s in professional settings, relationships, or social circles, they carefully orchestrate events to ensure they come out on top. Their schemes can be subtle or overt, depending on what best serves their agenda at the time. This calculated behaviour allows them to maintain a facade of charm and competence while exploiting vulnerabilities in those around them. It’s important to recognize these manipulative tactics early on to protect yourself from being unwittingly drawn into their schemes.

#4: Manipulating friendships:

Have you ever wondered how narcissists manipulate friendships? It’s a subtle yet powerful tactic they use to maintain control. They might try to sway mutual friends or acquaintances against you by spreading false stories, planting seeds of doubt, or painting themselves as the innocent party to win support and cut you off socially. This behaviour isn’t just about gossip; it’s a calculated move to isolate you and maintain influence. Their goal is to create a divide, leaving you feeling alienated and doubting your own relationships.
By controlling the narrative and portraying themselves as victims, they manipulate others into siding with them. This tactic often leaves you questioning who you can trust and feeling increasingly isolated. It’s a way for them to consolidate power and keep you relying on their version of reality. Recognizing this behaviour can help you see through their tactics and maintain healthier relationships. Ultimately, understanding their methods empowers you to protect your social circle and break free from their manipulative grasp.

#5: Narcissists exert control over everyone:

Narcissists exert control over everyone around them, often in ways that go unnoticed. They have a deep-seated need for control, which they satisfy through subtle or overt manipulation. From quietly influencing plans and decisions to openly manipulating emotions, they seek to dominate situations and people. This behaviour isn’t just about asserting authority; it’s a means of maintaining power and superiority. Even when they think no one is watching, narcissists find ways to dictate the course of events and shape the behaviour of those around them.

Their need for control can create a tense atmosphere where others feel pressured to comply with their wishes. Understanding these dynamics is crucial for recognizing their influence and reclaiming autonomy in relationships. By identifying these subtle tactics, you can begin to establish healthier boundaries and reduce their impact on your life.

#6: Portraying a false persona:

Portraying a false persona is a common tactic among narcissists. Behind closed doors, they often meticulously create and uphold a facade of kindness, generosity, or moral integrity, even as they engage in manipulative or harmful behaviors. This dual identity allows them to present a polished exterior to the world while concealing their true motives and actions. Maintaining this false persona requires careful manipulation of perception, ensuring that others see them in a favourable light. This behaviour isn’t just about preserving a good reputation; it’s a means of gaining trust and influence over others. By portraying themselves as virtuous or compassionate individuals, they manipulate others’ perceptions and maintain control over their relationships.

#7: Showing cruelty towards pets:

Showing cruelty towards pets can be a disturbing manifestation of extreme narcissism. In these cases, individuals may mistreat animals to assert dominance or release frustrations, especially when they believe their actions won’t be observed or challenged. This behaviour stems from a distorted sense of entitlement and a need to exert control over living beings perceived as weaker. Such actions are not just acts of aggression but also reflect a disregard for the well-being of vulnerable creatures. It’s a troubling indicator of their willingness to harm those who can not defend themselves.

#8: Attempting to access your social media accounts:

They may attempt to gain unauthorized access to your social media profiles, using it as a tool to monitor your interactions, gather personal information, or even post misleading or damaging content to manipulate others’ perceptions of you. This invasion of privacy is a tactic used by narcissists to maintain control and influence over your online presence. By accessing your accounts without permission, they seek to gather data that can be used against you or to further their own agenda. This behaviour isn’t just about curiosity; it’s a calculated effort to undermine your reputation or manipulate relationships.
Recognizing these actions is crucial for safeguarding your online privacy and personal information. Setting strong passwords, using privacy settings effectively, and regularly monitoring your account activity can help mitigate the risk of unauthorized access. By remaining vigilant and proactive, you can protect yourself from the invasive tactics of narcissists seeking to exploit your digital footprint for their own gain

#9: Stalking behaviour:

Narcissists may engage in stalking behaviours, both online and in person, to assert control or gather information about your activities, relationships, or whereabouts without your consent or awareness. This invasive behaviour spans from monitoring your social media profiles to tracking your movements or even showing up unexpectedly at places you frequent. Their goal is to maintain a sense of power over you and to gather intelligence that they can use to manipulate situations or people in their favour. This conduct isn’t merely intrusive; it’s a blatant violation of boundaries and privacy rights.

#10: Spreading lies and misinformation:

When not under scrutiny, narcissists often resort to fabricating stories, exaggerating truths, or manipulating facts to discredit you, damage your relationships, or advance their own agendas without fear of consequences. This deceptive behaviour allows them to maintain control and manipulate perception in their favour. By distorting reality and spreading misinformation, they aim to undermine your credibility and manipulate others into questioning your integrity. Their willingness to manipulate facts reflects a deep-seated need for validation and dominance.
Seeing through these behaviours is crucial for protecting yourself from manipulation and maintaining healthy boundaries in relationships with narcissistic individuals. Understanding these patterns can empower you to take appropriate steps to safeguard your well-being and seek support when needed.
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