Khalif Barkhadle
5 min readJan 29, 2024



By: Khalif Barkhadle
Digital Journalist.
Published On: 29th January 2024.

Whatever phase you are in the relationship, there is a long list of red flags that’ll tell you that you’re already in the narcissist’s text game. They go from texting that they miss you to being unresponsive to texting that you’re too clingy, then back to texting that they want you so much. It can drive you crazy! In this article, We will talk about the what, when, and why behind text messages from narcissists.

So, I’m going to kind of go through, kind of love bomb, devalue and discard, and after the discard, they kind of come back through and sort of hoover you a little bit as well. It kind of starts with love-bombing and kind of ends with discard, but then they’re going to go back and forth between love bombs, devalue them, and then back to love-bombing, devaluing, and discarding. This kind of hoovering is almost really kind of like a love bombing in a way; it’s all like a toxic stew; it’s not linear; they don’t go, love, devalue, or discard; they kind of go back and forth between the phases, which is part of what causes the trauma brain and destabilizes you. It’s important to understand that because that’s why it’s very, very difficult to negotiate with them, a lot of times because your brain is like so scrambled sometimes, so in the beginning, when they’re first starting to want to gain control over you, to want to come on super strong, so they’re just very, very charismatic, and they just flood you all the time. So, you’re going to get these text messages to be like, “You’re beautiful,” “You’re gorgeous,” “You’re amazing,” “You’re so smart,” and it’s not just male to female; it’s female to male as well, “You’re perfect for me.” I mean, I’ve dealt with it in a business situation, so the emails that I would get were “This is the most incredible partnership,” “I can bring you the best clients,” “I know all the right people, and I can make the right introductions.” They flood you from the beginning with all the right things to say. So, you’ll see things like, “I can’t stop thinking about you” or “I miss you already” when they just left, like two minutes ago, flood you, flood you, flood you. You can’t believe this person even existed right there, in your space, all the time. “I can’t live without you.” “You’re my prince charming.” “You’re my princess charming,” and “You’re my soulmate.” “This is the most amazing thing” and “I’ve never met anybody like you before” are the kinds of text messages that you will get during the love-bombing phase, right?
I’m embracing this person; this is fantastic, so now you move into devaluation. So, the next phase is either ghosting, which means you got no text messages whatsoever at all; you’re texting this person; texting this person; texting this person; you get zero; complete radio silence; nothing.
So our scope by you gets nothing, and then when you finally get something back, it might be, “You’re so needy,” or “Why are you stalking me?” “How come you’re texting me so much? I was working.” “Why are you questioning me?” All of a sudden, you’re the crazy one for expecting them to be how they have been. So, now you’re like, very, very confused, right? Because they were the ones that set this up, set up these parameters of “I can’t stop thinking about you”, “I miss you”, “You’re my soul mate”, “I miss you already” when they just left two minutes ago and all of a sudden you’re the crazy one because they didn’t text you for hours and hours on end, so, that’s the devaluation phase, all of a sudden, you’re overly jealous because why are they talking to this co-worker in this crazy way, at 2 a.m, in a suggestive way, that’s the kind of thing that you’re going to be seeing in the devaluation phase, starting to gaslight you, starting to project and deflect, starting to think that you’re crazy, the shift is going to start to happen, the ghosting, that’s what is going to start to happen in the devaluation phase, the passive aggression, “Oh sure, I will text you back within the next hour,” and then an hour goes by and you don’t hear from them. That’s passive aggression. “How come I didn’t hear from you?” “Oh, I was working; why do you have to be nagging me?” that sort of thing. So, there’s your devaluation phase.
“Stop texting me.” “I’m going to block you.” “Why are you still after me?” “Congratulations! You got what you wanted.” “Why are you talking to this person?” “I’m going to bring you down.” “I’m going to make sure that no one ever believes you.” “I’m going to make sure that everyone sees you for who you are.” “I will do everything in my power to make sure that you don’t ever get what you want.” Now you’re going to start to see this person that you never would have believed, or you’re going to see them just doing things that you would never have believed that they would do. You call them out on it, and they’ll say, “Oh, I didn’t do that” or “We had an agreement that we could do that” or something like that, and you’re going to be like, “What? We never had an agreement to that,” and your head is going to be completely spinning during this discard phase. Who in the heck is this person? You would never have believed that this person, during the discard phase, is the same person that you thought you knew during the love-bombing phase at all.

You won’t have heard from this person in six months, and after all the things that happened, all the things that they’ve done, all the horrible things that went down, you finally have moved on with your life and don’t even think about the person anymore, and in your DMs or your texts, suddenly you get a little “Hey, how’s it going?” or just a “hey.” You’re like, “What is this?” or “Hey, how are you?” or something like that, and you think, “What are you doing?” or it might be, “Hey, I heard our song,” just something super random, and it’s just a little like boom! Is there a supply to be had? Something like that is really what is going on there; they want to know if there’s some supply. Do I still have power over you? Is there some way that I can still get you to come back? Can I still reel you in in some way? So, those are the kinds of text messages that you will be getting from narcissists.

Any Questions?
Thanks for reading this piece.
I hope these examples of narcissist text messages will help you realize when you’re communicating with a narcissistic person.
If you have any questions on this topic, feel free to leave a comment in the comments section below.
It would be great to hear from you.

With gratitude.
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Khalif Barkhadle