GASLIGHTING PHRASES NARCISSISTS USE TO DECEIVE AND CONTROL YOU.

By: Khalif Barkhadle
Digital Journalist.
Published On: 3rd February 2024.

Have you ever been told "you're crazy" or "you're being too sensitive"? Well, those are just some of the classic gaslighting phrases that narcissists use to manipulate or control you. In today's topic, we'll dissect each phrase, giving you the lowdown on why a narcissist would say such a thing and, more importantly, how to laugh it off.
In this article, we will explore gaslighting phrases narcissists use to deceive and control you.
Gaslighting is a manipulative psychological mind game that a highly narcissistic person will use to undermine your ability to trust your perception of reality. Learning how to spot gaslighting can help you avoid being manipulated by someone who has a pervasive pattern of lacking empathy, entitlement, and exploitation.
Gaslighting is a type of abuse that causes a victim to doubt their thoughts, perceptions, reality, and in some cases, their sanity. Because they find people who are subjected to repeated gaslighting simple to manage, narcissists love to use this tactic. After all, if a person doesn’t trust themselves, they’ll go somewhere else for knowledge, even if it’s to an abusive person who is the reason they don’t trust themselves in the first place.
Gaslighting can be quite subtle, making it difficult to recognize. The following are some of the most typical phrases used by narcissists to deceive and control their victims:

1. THAT WAS IN THE PAST.
This is how narcissists draw a line through your words, put it in the past, but it’s all in the past now. This is done to make their bad deed unimportant; it’s as if it doesn’t matter simply because it occurred before the present. That doesn’t make sense if you think about it. Imagine being pulled over by the cops for speeding at 100 miles per hour. When you explain that it happened in the past, I’m confident they’ll let you go. Will they?

2. YOU NEED TO GET OVER IT.
This phrase simply informs the victim that they are wrong for continuing to be upset about whatever the abuser did to upset them. Narcissists want their victims to put up with their abuse for as long as they can without complaining. They have a good probability of convincing their victim to continue to tolerate abuse if they can make them feel horrible about themselves or even ashamed of being unhappy.

3. YOU’RE ALWAYS COMPLAINING.
The narcissist may cause you pain and disappointment; they, on the other hand, criticize your complaining. Rather than confronting the problem, they transfer the blame away from them and place it on your response once more. Even if you have every right to express your dissatisfaction, this demonstrates that the narcissist is unconcerned about your sentiments and has no intention of changing their ways. They’d rather weaken you so they may continue to harm you.

4. YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR MEMORY IS LIKE.
Narcissists enjoy proving that others have bad memories. They can change history if they do so. You must accept the narcissist’s version of events if you believe your memory is terrible. The narcissist’s perspective, of course, is significantly skewed in their favour. Something someone said or did in the past may be in conflict with what they say or do now. It’s no problem; the narcissist can argue that you misremembered. Though they did something selfish or wrong in the past, they can retell the event to make it appear as if they did the right thing this time, and if you trust them, you’ll begin to doubt your memory’s capabilities because they blame your bad memory for every change they make. Either directly or through a third party, if something feels wrong, it probably is, just like trusting your gut. Consider this: Does your memory fail you so frequently when you’re dealing with other people?

5. I DIDN’T SAY THAT.
It’s possible that denying what they said isn’t a sophisticated gaslighting word, but it has power since they are completely convinced while staring you in the eyes. It’s easy to doubt oneself when narcissists seem so certain they didn’t say anything, even though you heard them and recall them. The trick is that narcissists mislead themselves into believing they stated something different, and once they’ve persuaded themselves, it’ll be easy to persuade you. They can persuade themselves so well that they react with genuine rage to your accusations, even if they know you’re correct deep down.

6. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE.
When a narcissist is in a disagreement with another person; they often use this gaslighting term. You also point out that the narcissist acted inappropriately. This honesty offends narcissists; they expect to be surrounded by supporters who support them no matter what. This demonstrates that they are unwilling to reflect on and develop themselves; they simply want to be assured they’re correct, even if they aren’t.
Narcissists frequently place their loved ones in a moral quandary. They don’t want to support someone who has done something bad, but they also don’t want to oppose a loved one. This leads some people to believe the narcissist is correct, even if they know deep down that they aren’t. But the truth is that anyone, regardless of their relationship with you, can make a mistake. If they’d acted immorally, they have no right to expect your constant support. That is unreasonable, unhealthy, and unfair.

7. I WAS ONLY JOKING.
When you confront a narcissist about their insults, they often use this gaslighting term. Rather than accepting responsibility or apologizing, they claim you misunderstood their joke. As a result, the guilt is effectively shifted to you. It states it wasn’t meant as an insult but rather as a joke, and you misinterpreted it. It’s a smart strategy to get away with offending you because they have the option to return it. If you call them out on it, they’ll claim it’s a joke. Whether or not it’s a joke, their rude and negative statements have an impact on you because your brain is still processing them, and they are also getting stronger and more regular over time. Its purpose is to provoke doubt; the victim is expected to believe they behaved inappropriately or that they are too sensitive or ignorant to recognize the remark as a joke. However, the truth is that it was not all like that.

8. YOU’RE OVERSENSITIVE OR OVERREACTING.
When you protest about a narcissist’s words, they may accuse you of being oversensitive. Similar to “I was only joking,” this shifts the blame to you and your reaction once more, allowing the narcissist to avoid taking responsibility and reflecting on themselves. Someone who genuinely cares about you and isn’t out to hurt you would take your issue seriously rather than ignore it. Think about it; what’s more telling is when they continue to make the same jokes in the future. This demonstrates that the intent is to damage your emotions. This is claimed to make a victim feel guilty for being upset about whatever the abuser said or did. Few things can shut a person down faster than shame, and when a person is shut down, they are less likely to complain about the abuse.

9. YOU ARE CRAZY.
For narcissists, accusing you of being insane is a standard gaslighting statement. It shifts the blame once more to you, and if you hear it enough times, you’ll start to doubt your sanity. This might make you wonder if their narcissistic personality is all in your head. The fact that ordinary-thinking people do not act like narcissists adds to this, as a result, you begin to question if you can trust your judgments, even if you feel they’re up to something bad. A sliver of doubt is typically enough to excuse their actions. At its worst, it can persuade people that they are truly insane. This can be upsetting; you’re crazy, whether stated directly or implied in terms such as “you need treatment,” might cause a person to question their sanity if repeated frequently and with confidence.

10. NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU LIKE I DO.
It is stated that the sentence makes a victim feel fortunate to have the narcissist’s adoration because no one else could or would care about them. Keep in mind that when the narcissist in your life says stuff like this to gaslight you, that’s exactly what they’re doing. This doesn’t contain even a slight bit of truth. If you have any doubts, consider why you believe the narcissist is correct. Keep a diary; if you haven’t done so already, now is the time. Take down whatever the narcissist says; seeing things in writing can help you see things more clearly; it frequently clarifies issues better than merely talking or thinking about them.
Always keep in mind that narcissists say these things to control you and keep you down. Don’t give the narcissist any satisfaction. You’ve become imprisoned in this never-ever zone when a loved one undermines your sense of reality because there isn’t anything solid to point to as terrible. You end up blaming and pointing the finger at yourself. It hurts even more than physical abuse since they can see the wounds and know who did it. Do any of these characteristics make sense to you? If this is the case, don’t be hesitant to get help because you deserve to be loved and respected.
Thanks for taking the time to read this piece I hope this this was useful. I would love it if you could share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section below.
Have a blessed weekend 🙏 everyone and many thanks for listening.