FOUR WAYS TO MANIPULATE A NARCISSIST AND SHUT THEM DOWN.

By: Khalif Barkhadle
Digital Journalist

Published On: 23rd July 2024

You are doomed and guaranteed to fail if you think you can win against a narcissist by being direct, amicable, cooperative, understanding, and compassionate. In situations where you can not have any contact, such as co-parenting or during a divorce, these people will only weaponize these traits against you. They know how not to be everything your nature tells you to be. It would help if you had a strategy to defeat them at their own game, to fight back, and, as they say, to manipulate the manipulator.
How do you do all of this?
What strategies am I talking about?
Let’s find out in today’s topic.

So, today’s article is about uncovering and learning different tactics to defeat a narcissist in their own game and fight back strategically.

Step 1: Try to stay two steps ahead of them, not just one.

If you want to corner the beast or fight with a narcissist, it is like a big chess game. Before you make any moves, you have to predict what moves they will make. That is step one, and then you have to have your moves ready to counter their moves. This is how you can properly corner them. They follow very predictable behaviour all patterns. They get really angry, they become reactive, and they lie. In any given situation, you can almost tell, if not exactly, what they are going to do. You have to use your knowledge and awareness of who they are against them so that you can make them make moves without knowing that you are doing it.
Let me give you an example for better understanding. Almost all narcissists are heavily image-focused. They want others to think of them differently than who they are in reality. They want to fool others into thinking they’re a great father, a great mother, a great spouse, or a victim in the situation, which is what they are going to try to prove. Your task in this case is to find out how you can make a move by weaponizing their image against them and kind of force them to do what they wouldn’t be willing to do otherwise.

For example, your goal is to get them to sign a co-parenting agreement, and the image they sell to the world is, “Oh, I’m a great parent; I only think about my children; I put them first.” So you have to tap into that. How could you possibly do that? By making whatever you are asking for about the children and how it is going to benefit them.

Essentially, you have to shape the environment in such a way that if they were to agree to your conditions, it would prove they are not what they claim to be. You have to create an if-and-then kind of situation. If you are a good father, then you will agree to these terms. But be very cautious; you can not go in there and just say it. “Oh, if you are a good father, then you will do this.” No, you have to be quite strategic.

You just have to tap into that image and suggest indirectly that this is what a good father would do. “If I were you, I would do this.” That’s how you have to create the situation. You have to lure them into the trap so that you can protect your children, get to spend maximum time with them, and ensure they do not get to abuse your children and help them heal. That is your agenda.

Having said that, you should go in with a clear mindset about what you want, why you want it, and how you can get it. Unpredictability is going to be your worst move if you just go in thinking, “Oh, I’ll sort it out because they say we’ll sort it out mutually.” That is never going to happen.

Step 2: Give them a drip supply.

Yocan not not disagree with a narcissist continuously and assume they are going to agree with you. If you want them to agree to the fact that they owe you, let’s say, $200 in alimony, they are not going to give it to you right away if you do not give them some form of drip supply. An example of this could be a narcissist’s desire to win and defeat you.

Now, how can you potentially make them think they have won and you have failed? Possibly, you can ask for something way higher than your actual amount, knowing that’s not what you are going to get, and then they will give you something around that number, thinking they have won and you have lost. What is the drip supply given here?

You have made them think and feel they have won, that they are better than you, and that they have more brains than you when in reality you have driven theibehaviouror through their fear of failure. This is yet another example of knowing your moves, being two steps ahead, and giving them a drip supply.
Sometimes, you have to stroke their ego as well, but that’s not going to work all the time, and you have to be very cautious when doing that. If you, for example, tell them via text that they are a good father or praise them in a certain way, you have to know if that is going to be used against you in court. Because tomorrow, they can claim that you are lying, that you believe they are a good parent, and a good person, and they might provide your text as proof.

So you have to be quite tactical when stroking their ego and giving them a drip supply. What you can do is selectively agree to the things that benefit you and your children, but always make it about your children and not about yourself. Because what they do not want to do in any case is benefit you; they will go to any extent to harm you.

You have to understand this and know that your amicability, the desire to be cooperative, direct, and end it nicely is just a fantasy. Please leave it there; that’s not going to work here. You are on a battlefield, and every move you make has to be made very cautiously because you can step on a mine. This is a minefield, so you know what path you are going to move forward in and take your steps cautiously.

Step 3: Be very unpredictable.

When it comes to making moves, do not share every single bit of information. Do not show them your cards; keep them very close to your chest. You should have several tools and several weapons to launch against them, but they should not know what exactly you have in your arsenal. If they get to know what your strategy is, they will have a counter-strategy to defeat you. Ethical or unethical, it does not matter to them. If a narcissist can, they will. That is their mantra: “If I can, I will.” No element of conscience could trigger that thought process of “Should I do that? Can I do that? Is it even legal to do that?” No. If they can, they will.

Be very unpredictable when it comes to showing the world who you have dealt with. They have a lot to say; you have a lot to show. When you become unpredictable, the narcissist starts to squirm because they need to read your emotions, they need to read your mind, and they need to know what you are doing. If you approach it quite casually until the right time comes and you strike when the iron is hot—basically when you show the world who they are through all the things that you have documented and by explaining their traits and backing up their personality traits with evidence—I’m talking about being vengeful, aggressive, controlling, punitive, manipulative. That’s who they are, and the court system understands those traits.

When you do that, you are going to be very unpredictable, and that can expose them. That can trigger their narcissistic rage, and then they might shoot their foot by showing the world who they are behind that facade, underneath that veneer. They will tear themselves apart, and you just have to witness that by being silent. You can not react to them emotionally because if you do, you will become their puppet. You have to fight them internally before you fight them externally. Keep that in mind.

Step 4: Set clear boundaries with yourself, not with them.

You can not set boundaries with a narcissist. Set boundaries with yourself. Remember this very well: you can not control their behaviour. If they know something is bothering you, they will do more of it, for that is what benefits them. So, set boundaries with yourself. What does that mean? That simply means knowing what your non-negotiables are, knowing when you have to step out of the game, and knowing when to say no.

For example, if they go on being crazy and they call you names, yell, and scream, that is when you say, “I’m not ready to have this conversation with you right now. It doesn’t seem you are in the right state of mind to hold this conversation. I’ll come back to this when you are ready.” That is what you do. You know when to say no, but you have to do it for yourself, not with them.

When you set very clear boundaries with yourself, naturally you take back control because now you don’t depend on the narcissist, you don’t depend on their actions; you depend on your response to their actions, which is solely in your hands. For example, if they show up at your physical place, you know how you are going to respond to that. You know you are going to either call the police or do something that will make them face the consequences. So, know what your boundaries are with yourself and strictly follow them. That is your superpower.
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