FIVE WAYS TO WIN AGAINST A NARCISSIST.
By: Khalif Barkhadle
Digital Journalist
Published On: 16th July 2024
You can never win against a narcissist if you fight them their way because they stoop so low as to destroy and punish you. They do things you would never imagine doing. So, how do you win against them then? To answer that question, we must first understand what winning against a narcissist means in this context.
It certainly does not mean inflicting pain on them or making them suffer because doing that wouldn’t bring you real peace. Real winning against a narcissist means setting yourself free from their clutches and focusing on your healing.
How do you do that?
So, in today’s topic, we will learn about five ways to win against a narcissist. Read to the end because the fifth point will be about how you have already won against a narcissist. Let’s get started
Number 1: Become Unpredictable and Emotionally Closed Off
Nothing is more unsettling to a narcissist than not knowing what thoughts are running through your head. So, they try to foresee your approach. They predatorily try to read the sound of your voice, the look in your eyes, and your aura to know what you are thinking and feeling. But they panic when there is no obvious way to find out what you’re up to.
Consequently, they try to trigger your responses by perceptive and indirect questioning and random button-pushing to reveal what you are contemplating and your actual emotional state. When you do not respond to them or do not react to their provocation, they are completely baffled and taken aback. Surprised by unpredictability, they get paranoid and impulsive and make poor decisions, which is when you let them act out with no or minimal response.
You just have to let them expose themselves by being unreadable, and they will step in their way. They will either try new mind games, revealing more of who they are, or they will go silent on you. Whatever they do will backfire, and their actions will trigger a series of unfavourable events leading to their collapse, or in other words, defeat.
Number 2: Become Your Best and the Most Authentic Version Possible
Your happiness is a narcissist’s grief, pain, and misery, which is why they hover and stalk you to see if you’re still in the dungeons of darkness and despair they put you in. They can’t let you be confident and vibrant again. In fact, they hate to see you shine and glow because that would mean they are a failure, and they count for nothing.
It would mean all of their preconceived notions around omnipotence and supremacy are nothing but a bunch of lies they have gaslighted themselves to distort their reality. They have to keep you in the trap to believe that the trap they are in does not exist. They punish you for distracting them from the punishment they have been going through for eternity.
Therefore, you must find it in you to become that to them which they despise above all else. It shows them that they are ordinary, not larger than life like they pretend to be. It shows them that you do not need them nor care what they do one way or another.
Your indifference to a narcissist lets them know that you can not be bothered even to hate them. Your energy is too valuable even to waste a moment thinking about them. It’s a real blow to their ego.
Number 3: Stop Caring for Them and Become Indifferent
The one thing narcissists cannot tolerate above all else is developing an indifference towards them, which is why the biggest weapon that you can ever use against a narcissist, especially a covert one, is your absolute emotional indifference. Which means you need to stop caring for them. Why? Because it is your caring nature that they take advantage of. They weaponize it against you and use it to extract maximum supply.
Whenever you try to hold the narcissist accountable or say something to them that is the absolute truth, or you want them to realize that they have done something wrong, instead of reflecting, they become a victim. They start crying, wailing, and sobbing. They do things to make you feel guilty. They guilt trip you and make you feel ashamed as if you have committed a crime.
Ultimately, you self-abandon, put your pain aside, and then cater to their needs. You then try to fix their problems, and this is how they covertly control you. They get what they want without being overtly aggressive, and you feel emotionally shattered. If you are stuck in this cycle of recharging your supply tank, you need to stop caring for someone who preys on you and your emotions.
Number 4: Give Up Hoping and Accept Them as They Are
One of the main reasons you stay so long in a narcissistic relationship is that you hold on to what I call hopeless hope. Hope that the narcissist will change, hope that they will keep the promises, hope that things will get better, and hope that the future you dreamed of will finally come true.
Despite all the manipulation and lies, you stay hopeful until the very end, and even after things end, you still hope that they will return. You believe that there is a chance for things to improve, but that never happens. To set yourself free and win, you need to stop hoping things will be different because you are dealing with a lost cause, a hopeless situation that will never change.
The only person deserving any hope in the situation is you. The hope to heal and recover, the hope to move on and never look back. Real winning is accepting that they lured you in through an illusion. The real person never existed, and there was no connection at all. The good memories you hold on to are just breadcrumbs that, in reality, were insignificant things that an empathetic stranger would have done for you or with you.
Number 5: You Have Already Won Against the Narcissist
Here is how: you can love yourself and face your fears and shame if you wish to do so, but a narcissist cannot and doesn’t do the same. They’re the biggest cowards who keep running from themselves. You have a true persona and do not operate from fake personas or masks. You can emerge from your trauma with the traits of your humanness intact, but a narcissist kills and forsake their humanity to escape their rottenness. You have your true identity/self-intact, but narcissists do not.
Instead, they create a lie called false self to escape the truth. They choose easy over right. They operate and function through a sense of self that is fragile. You aren’t afraid to express emotions and show vulnerability because you can connect and attach properly.
Quite the opposite, a narcissist shows none and never forms true connections. They keep jumping through hoops to find happiness but fail terribly. They have to lie, cheat, steacover up-up, and lead double lives to survive, but they do not have to do so.
In a nutshell, if you want to win against a narcissist, you have to do and be the opposite of what they want you to do and how they want you to be to set yourself free.
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